More on Good Friends

Back in August I was meditating on my daily reader, Iyanla Vanzant's Acts of Faith. That day one line of the reading said, "The ancient Africans taught that if a person is good to you, you must forever speak good of them." This passage reminded me of how good my friends Denise Lilly and Deborah Brown Jackson were to me in my time of need.

During the late 80s I was living with a guy, who shall remain nameless. He had a drug problem and one day had an unexpected bout of violence. I was in the bathtub at the time and it really came as a surprise to me. I was finally able to get to my bathrobe and get out of the apartment. I knocked on my downstairs neighbor's door and she turned me away. I made my way to my next door neighbor's and she let me in and I called the police.

Charges were filed and after leaving the emergency room I spent the night in what to me, felt like a type of prison cell, for my safety.  It was a dingy, dusty tiny room in a scuzzy downtown hotel. I was afraid as I entered, especially since I was walking on a cane with a broken toe. I thought I would be mugged at any moment.  There was the obligatory single naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling. We won't talk about the sheets and blanket. Needless to say I didn't sleep much that night. I felt as if I was the one being punished.

Denise Lilly

The next day I still needed somewhere to stay until the guy got out of the apartment. That's when my friend Denise Lilly stepped in and offered her place. I don't remember today how long I stayed with her. I just know that I was glad to be somewhere safe, with someone who didn't judge me, but simply and graciously and without hesitation opened her home. I will be forever grateful.

Later during the mid 90s I was living in St. Louis. Another nameless motherfucker caused me to need to find a safe place in a hurry. This time the abuse was emotional. Seemingly more insidious. No details are necessary.  I had been asked to leave after much much drama from a professional abuser. That night Deborah was there for me. I stayed with her for three nights before moving to a place of my own. Those nights at Deborah's were so comforting for me. I felt safe and as if I was swaddled in fluffy warm and fragrant cotton. I was able to begin healing from the abuse, I had time to remember who I was. To think about how I wanted to be treated. To start making plans for my future. To lick my wounds.

Deborah Brown Jackson

Both women were long time friends before I needed them in such a practical way. Both remain friends. I intend to be their friend until the end. They are both in other states now but that doesn't diminish our closeness. I will forever speak good of them.

"We must remember with a kind word the road someone else has paved for us, no matter where or how they travel now." - Iyanla Vanzant

Just for the record the woman who attracted those abusive men is gone. I've grown and healed. Discovered myself and continue to love myself. In doing so I was able to attract a whole and healthy man. No more abuse, he's a real person, who sees and loves the real me.